Once Upon A Time - Poem -Angela Utley - Recovery from Autism

It seems that when Autism came into our lives -it  was going to be forever . A diagnosis of one sort or another - that is life.  It may not be autism but another disorder or disease for you. Do you relate?  So many phrases , old words suddenly have new meanings, classic has become Autistic, gluten has become free . Looking back  I wish I had had more support at that point in my life.  If I had a "do over" .  I would ask for more help and accept it when it was available. People don't realize what a phone call even to just check in -what it means to a caregiver of a person with autism or any other chronic seemingly life long disorder. I 'm just saying.
 
      Looking back once more,  I recall how again I felt so alone - as if I were in a desert. Who benefits from that feeling of aloneness?  - I guarantee - it is not God. It makes one think. 
So that desert- I think of as a visual image - Sent off on to a dry, arid spot in time -where water /nourishment is  no where to be found. Dry bones are to be seen everywhere. So many!   How I see with new eyes now. God can restore those eyes as well!  So dry bones - what does it mean- what do we know?  -That  even God CAN and does breath life into dry bones/bodies/ minds. How I found that  throughout my children's lives- how amazing God is .  And I am so glad to be God's daughter!

This particular Bible verse section shown below was pointed out to me through a blog that left me jawdropped. Thank you Brandon Dutcher~!  This poem I wrote had been inspired by this same passage.
      Ezekiel 37: 1-10ish How uplifting this has been to me and continues to encourage me to this day.  Comments would be helpful on my poem  - so I thank you in advance for writing a comment -I am trying to improve my writing of poetry. I need all the help I can get - I now know how to ask for help and accept it ~Angela

Ezekiel 37:1-10 (New International Version)

Ezekiel 37

The Valley of Dry Bones

 ¹ The hand of the LORD was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. ² He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. ³ He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”    I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”
 ⁴ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath^[a] enter you, and you will come to life. ⁶ I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”
 ⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.
 ⁹ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.


Once Upon A Time -poem by Angela Utley


Once upon a time there was a desert
Embedded with stark silence
Strong willed suffering
Sand swirling
Hot sand
Burning sand
burying bodies quicker than a shovel
taste of dead dirt and sand in the mouth
My young daughter and I venture onward
barefoot and thirsty
scratchy sand between toes
in the quiet day of the desert
Praying


Stumbling upon empty bones
In a dry vacant well
I find rest for us
My precious child
Breath of my breath 
She forments a revolution within herself
unknown to me 
Praying

Air burns our throats
Despair encircles us 
Past images swirl around us
along with the striking sand
My thoughts are bowed down within 
Bitter taste
Falling, I look upward
My child and I 
still and solemn we breath in the desert 
storms and all
Praying

She my daughter
is stone silent 
Walking on tiptoes
Awkward gait moves her
Jerking moves
Tensing muscles
Seizures taking her mind
Breathe once -deep exhale
muscles relax
Moving 
Praying 



Time
Sudden conversion envelopes us without warning


Change

She, my daughter
runs without falling 
Awkward gait no more - 
Poor body awareness has vanished 
Like a mirage made solid
Health returns to those empty bones -
My daughter's empty bones
No more dry vacant wells of the mind for her
God is restoring my child
And my heart
I fall downward to my knees
with indebted gratefulness in my heart
I thankfully pray once more 
How dumbfounded and relieved am I 
Autism Mother Rising
Praying


Selah


SEE!
She flies like a eagle 
Soaring above you 
Should you look!
As she speaks words and phrases
Unspoken-unheard of before now
Departing from the Desert- our Valley of Achor

    My Child had Autism 
    But Autism NEVER had her
    My God had her -always in his steady hand

       

Healed and whole
My child never returns
To that desert I called Autism
Valley of Achor no more 
And daily I stand still -
knowing the presence of God -
Rising

Angela Utley June 2009





Note that Valley of Achor means valley of trouble - A real place named so in a desert  . The following video is my youngest daughter, Athena - who once HAD autism. They told me that she would never speak - not to expect much of her - how wrong they were! Just listen to her. - This is at the Tulsa Zoo - she wants to have her own show. And remember - I was told she would never talk.   I hope this blog has encouraged you - Recovery and healing are POSSIBLE by and through GOD!  I would consider it a honor and a privilege to pray for you - Athena prays as well - OUTLOUD.